JuLy 2022 Newsletter

Joke(s) of the Month

Blame the Dog

A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday.

“I’d like a little brother,” a boy said.

“Oh my, that’s such a big wish,” said the mother. “Why do you want a little brother?”

“Well,” said the boy, “there’s only so much I can blame on the dog.”

Off Color Language

The teacher heard one of her students, Johnny, use some off-color language and was shocked.

“Johnny Martin, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not in school, not anywhere!  Where on earth did you learn that?”

“I got it from my dad, Miss Rollins,” replied Johnny.

“Well, your father should be ashamed.  I doubt you even know what all that means?”

“Oh Miss Rollins, I do,” said Johnny.  “It means the car won’t start.”

Misinterpretations

~ When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say the Lord’s Prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, “Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”

~ My son, who is in nursery school, said, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?”

~ I remember thinking it said “Give us this day our jelly bread.”

~ I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, “I led the pigeons to the flag.”

~ When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: “I pledge allegiance to the flag. And to the republic for Richard Stands.”

~ When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain Prayer was “He suffered under a bunch of violets.” The real words were “under Pontius Pilate,” but at that age, he didn’t know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.

~ My mother spent her early childhood saying, “Hail Mary, full of grapes.”

~ When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion.  On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, “What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?”  Mom whispered something in his ear.  Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn’t say, “Be quiet until you get to your seat.”

~ When I was younger, I believed the line was “Lead a snot into temptation.” I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.